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You can fall in love with a serial killer but that doesn’t mean you should be with him.

You can fall in love with a serial killer but that doesn’t mean you should be with him. 17. ágúst 2009 14:12 Have you ever fallen in love with the wrong person? How can it be the wrong person if we are in love with them. Won’t that make everything alright? Absolutely not! You can fall in love with a serial killer but that doesn’t mean you should be with him. So how can you avoid falling in love with someone who is totally wrong for you? It is not as simple as it seems but I have come up with a few tips to help you in your search for your soul mate. Almost everyone has been in love at some point in their lives. If we are lucky, we have fond memories of falling in love but unfortunately it doesn’t always stay that way. Sometimes falling in love with the wrong person can be downright painful. Especially when love seems to come right out of left field and ambush you. Do you know that feeling? When you fall hard for someone who is not even close to being right for you. How about when you fall in love with someone who is not in love with you. Oh wait here is the killer you fall in love with someone who does nothing but make you feel bad. Sometimes the person we think is the one, our soul mate the love of our lives is the one person we should not be with. They may even be very nice, great in fact but just bring out the worst in us. Push our buttons, cause us to retreat into ourselves or behave in an unbecoming manor. What is with us? Why do we stay in these relationships and why on earth would we allow ourselves to get sucked in to this kind of situation. Why doesn’t the heart understand that falling in love is reserved for the right one, the soul mate, the ying to your yang not the wrong one, the” I am wasting my time” or the “used to be different” type of person. Definitely not the low down person you happen to be unlucky enough to meet on that unlucky day. There have been countless times when I have been chatting with a friend only to find out that they have fallen in love with the wrong person. They don’t always realize it. Sometimes they even seem to believe they are in love with the one, but always in the end whether it takes 2 weeks 2 years or 20 years they realize it. I often think about what it is we are doing wrong and how we can avoid this and here are my conclusions. #1 Watch out for red flags, just like stop signs they will still be there tomorrow. #2 Listen to what they say and actually hear it, you might just learn something of value that will shine some light on their personality. #3 Think with your head not your heart. You heard me! #4 Don’t beat a dead horse when you see patterns that you know are destructive accept it and move on. #5 Be honest with yourself, if everyone around you can see the problems maybe you just need to open your eyes and see it to. #6 Respect yourself, if that person is not at your level nothing will change that. #7 Realize that love should not be the deciding factor in a relationship. Because you can love a serial killer but that doesn’t mean you should be with him. So what can we do when love sneaks into our hearts like a snake in the grass causing us to fall in love with the wrong person. How about recognizing it, accepting it, learning from it and moving on. Get out and stay out. That’s right love hurts especially after a breakup, but it doesn’t have to hurt forever.


 Drifa Ulfarsdottir The Dating, Divorce and Destiny Coach

Helping you find the love you deserve today, tomorrow and for the rest of your life.

Misunderstandings in relationships.

Misunderstandings in relationships happen all the time. They show up when you least expect them . Often when things are going really well, or so you think. I think that the misunderstandings happen most often when you are in a relationships that is important to you. The more important the relationship the harder it is to sort out  the conflicts that are the root of the  misunderstanding. That’s not to say that casual relationships or friendships cannot have misunderstandings that can get heated. They definitely can. What is the root of these misunderstandings? Why do they come up. Why do they sometimes seem to grow bigger and bigger until they have a life of their own? I think it is because we are not listening carefully and other person does not hear what we are trying to tell them either. We think that when we talk, others are automatically listening. I mean, why not, everything we say is so interesting the whole world should listen, right? Wel,l even if they are listening, they may not hear what you think you said. That’s right, sometimes when we think we are being  clear we are not. The person listening to us hears what we are saying  through a filter. Their filter, not yours, so they wont necessarily hear what you said and form the exact opinion that you were hoping for. The closer the relationship the deeper the feelings of everyone involved. Feelings come from our thoughts so when we are confused, feel misunderstood or unheard our  feelings will be negative.  The more negative feelings we have, the less  likely we are to listen to what the other person is saying….Get my point?

So what can we do? Keep it cool, slow down, don’t let your feelings get in the way. But better yet just listen to others when they are talking to you. Repeat what they have said to you to make sure you have heard them correctly. When you are talking don’t assume people hears what you said. Remember, there is no universal truth, only your personal truth. Everyone has their own perception. So next time you have a misunderstanding in a relationship, instead of blaming, being angry or irritated step back and listen.

Drifa Ulfarsdottir The Dating Coach

Great Relationships

Relationships are very precious to us all. They are a necessary skill that we have to master in order to have fulfilling lives. We have relationships with everyone, our spouse, children, friends and the clerk at the grocery store. In each and every relationship we have a distinct way of communicating, that determines how successful the relationship is. When we have good rapport with someone, conversation really flows, and  we have a better relationship than if the conversation is filled with negative emotion, insecurity or accusations. The conversation does not even have to be obviously negative to bring down a relationship. All it needs is for it to not be supportive. Powerful communication is the key to great relationships. I recently heard about a great book called Fierce Conversations, by Susan Scott. I think it´s a must buy because we can all improve our conversation skills. So then, how do we do that? We can begin with acknowledging each other. When we think about our past successes and past failures and reflect on what it is that differentiated the two, I think a lot of us would agree that the amount of acknowledgement we gave each other had a direct impact on the success of the relationship. If that is so, why don’t we acknowledge each other all the time? I mean, we all want to have powerful and successful relationships don’t we? Well, I think it has a lot to do with us not realizing what the other person needs in order to feel good. If we feel good when we are acknowledged,  why wouldn’t others feel good as well? So, if this is the case, what steps do we need to take now to begin making changes in our lives? The best way to improve your relationships is to acknowledge the person you are in the relationship with regularly. But how do you do that? You go to someone and say I want to acknowledge you for….. and then point out what it is that they have done that is impactful, meaningful or important. It doesn’t have to have anything to do with you, because it’s not about you. It is only about them and their accomplishments. Think about it. Look at your relationships with others. When was the last time you pointed out something nice about them? Acknowledged their sense of style, generosity or determination. How did it make you feel when you acknowledged them? How did they feel? Was it worth it and if so was why? Would you like to do it more often? I would like to challenge you to acknowledge everyone in your family this week and notice what kinds of feelings come up for you. Notice what you get out of it, and if it is something you think would improve your life if you did it regularly. There is one more thing I would like to challenge you to do. Look at your significant other and think of ways to acknowledge them. Do it today and tomorrow. In fact do it every day. Think about the karma you will be creating, the wonderful feelings and the communication that will open up from this little gesture that says so much. Try it and comment on this blog. Lets see if we can change our world just a little bit and you might just improve your relationships along the way.


Drifa the Dating Coach

Flirting at parties

Flirting at Parties

Flirting at parties can be nerve racking but today your going to learn some tips and tricks to make Flirting at the next party fun.

Some people might  find that flirting at parties makes them a little uneasy so I thought I would give a few hints on how to make it easy. The first thing you should know about flirting at parties is that you have to be ready. That’s right get yourself in the game. Be prepared, decide ahead of time that you are going to enjoy yourself, meet some people and do some flirting. We want to get into a playful mood, lighten up a little to get ready to mingle. Flirting at party’s  can be as simple as chatting with everyone in the room.

Flirting has been around since the dawn of time. Everyone does it whether they realize it or not. It is one of the most powerful tools we use do to attract a mate. It is also a relatively harmless way to quickly be able to determine if the person you are flirting with is going to go from being a definite maybe to a you better believe it. It is a type of deal actually, a back and forth exchange, a negotiation of sorts between two perspective buyers.  Women love to flirt as a way to express their sexuality. They  do it expertly and often. Some typical flirting behavior for woman would include swishing the hair, swaying the hips, giggling, licking the lips or making eye contact. Another big one is playing with their hair or accessories. Men on the other hand tend to be a bit more subtle. They will square their shoulders, allow his eyebrows to rise, flare his nostrils. Sometimes  they exaggerate their  movements or part their lips.

A good rule when flirting at parties is to work the room with wandering eyes. You will give the impression that you are unattached and easily approachable. Be quick to smile, make eye contact, and relax. You don’t want to seem like you are uncomfortable or anxious because the  most attractive quality  in all of us is confidence. When you are confident and seem to love life you will attract others. There is nothing attractive about someone who is negative, needy or unsure of themselves.

So how do we flirt with the opposite sex?

Here are a few good tricks for the ladies wanting to flirt at parties,  and guys take note:  if they do these things the game is on. Make eye contact, catch his eye briefly then look away. This tells him you are interested and signals him to approach. The next is a killer smile. Smile like you mean it. It is the best way to flirt at party. Put some confidence behind it. Make it exude the fabulous person that you are. Stand tall, make sure your posture is strait. Show off what you have, but above all be feminine. Men like real woman so play up your femininity. Wear tasteful makeup, pretty clothes, high heels or nice shoes. Play with your hair or  jewelry or bat your eyelashes. Lightly brush against him and let your touch linger. Laugh at his jokes and don’t forget to wink and keep the conversation light.

Use his name in the conversation often. Everyone likes to hear their name so use it as much as you can and anyway it will help you remember it allot faster avoiding potentially sticky situations later on.

Guys here is how to get the most out of flirting with woman at parties. Prepare for the party by Getting  your game on. That means be confident,  charming and relaxed. Start by choosing clothes and shoes that you feel great in and  make you look good. Just because you love an item of clothing it doesn’t  mean they look good on you . So get a second opinion from a well dressed friend or a fashion stylist.  Women always notice what you are wearing, even your shoes, so take your time in choosing the right combination. When you get to the party mingle with everyone. Make sure to go around and chat with as many people as you  can.  Be funny and keep your conversation light. You can prepare by having a few things up your sleeve that you found amusing yourself. If you really like her, casually touch her arm or back. Allow your touch to linger, intently listen to what she is saying.  Use her name when you talk to her, make eye contact and smile.

I love flirting at parties. There is nothing like working a room and meeting people. Isn’t that what parties are about anyway. We all do it, admit it you do it to. It has become an essential part of today’s society. In fact it has always been vital to human communication through out history. Flirting makes us smile, feel good and shows the opposite sex whether or not we are interested in them.

The most important thing to keep in mind when flirting at parties is  keep the conversation light, be funny, listen intently when others speak and enjoy what you are doing. No depressing subjects like politics, religion or  ex boyfriends/girlfriends. Do I need to say that again?  and above all have fun. Well that’s it for me I am off to flirt at a party, I suggest you do the same.