Creating Successful Relationships part 1


By the way the girl in this video is not me nor does she speak for me but lest face it she is pretty funny!

Creating succesful relationships can be really tough but there are some things you can do to increase the odds of your relationship working. I recently wrote an article which is part of an 11 part series on creating successful relationships Creating Successful Relationships Part 1 and in it I talk about how we can evaluate what kind of relationship we have. It is really common to carry the past relationship problems into the next relationship and to feel almost helpless in stopping it. It kind of reminds me of the first time as an adult you do or say something that is identical to what your mother or father would have said. It shocks you into realizing that it is inevitable to bring our past with us into our future. But is it really? I don´t think so. This is something that can be worked through coaching and dealt with quite efficiently if you are really interested in doing so. when we deal with what went wrong and identify why we did what we did we have a chance to change how we react the next time around. This can be a whole new beginning to your life. Nobody likes conflict, stress or misunderstandings but few of us really take the time to change tha root cause. That is why it is essential when creating successful relationships to look at al lthe angles, to be completely honest with yourself  and to be willing to look atyour part in the relationship..

Drifa Ulfarsdottir

Success Coach

copyright © Drifa Ulfarsdottir 2010


Getting over your ex. Five steps to feeling better.

Loosing someone you love, leaving them because you have no choice or having them leave you can feel like a death of a loved one. This can be especially painful if you had a very intense relationship or if you were together for a long time. Getting over your ex is not easy, it takes time and work. It may even feel like you are over it and have moved on but then you may discover one day after hearing they have moved on that you are nowhere near overLetting go of your ex can be one of the hardest things you do in your life. It can even be harder than making the decision to split up, or allowing yourself to move on with someone else, much harder than you ever imagined. It all starts the same way; you meet someone and you think that you have found someone special. You enter into a relationship with them and begin to plan your future. Time goes by and things are fine in the beginning but eventually things change. Relationships can be amazing things. Bliss, love, friendship and happiness until one day things begin to sour. You might try to fix what wrong, wait for a light bulb moment that will tell you what to do or just drive your partner so crazy they break up with you. The result is the same, it ends. The end of a relationship can be devastating for those involved. It has an effect on how you view yourself, what you thought was going to happen in the future and even your values. You may have believed your relationship would last or that you could make it work with willpower alone or that it was fate. You are stubborn, you don´t give up and will not give up, so why is this not working?  Even if you know the relationship was unhealthy, damaging even, it can still be difficult to let go. When the relationship ends you might go through a grieving process, you may become depressed or you might even feel relief or happiness that it is finally over.

Read the rest of the article…

Drifa Ulfarsdottir

Success Coach

Feel free to use this article as much as you want in its entirety, I only ask that you include the signiture above.

Copyright © Drifa Ulfarsdottir

You can fall in love with a serial killer but that doesn’t mean you should be with him.

You can fall in love with a serial killer but that doesn’t mean you should be with him. 17. ágúst 2009 14:12 Have you ever fallen in love with the wrong person? How can it be the wrong person if we are in love with them. Won’t that make everything alright? Absolutely not! You can fall in love with a serial killer but that doesn’t mean you should be with him. So how can you avoid falling in love with someone who is totally wrong for you? It is not as simple as it seems but I have come up with a few tips to help you in your search for your soul mate. Almost everyone has been in love at some point in their lives. If we are lucky, we have fond memories of falling in love but unfortunately it doesn’t always stay that way. Sometimes falling in love with the wrong person can be downright painful. Especially when love seems to come right out of left field and ambush you. Do you know that feeling? When you fall hard for someone who is not even close to being right for you. How about when you fall in love with someone who is not in love with you. Oh wait here is the killer you fall in love with someone who does nothing but make you feel bad. Sometimes the person we think is the one, our soul mate the love of our lives is the one person we should not be with. They may even be very nice, great in fact but just bring out the worst in us. Push our buttons, cause us to retreat into ourselves or behave in an unbecoming manor. What is with us? Why do we stay in these relationships and why on earth would we allow ourselves to get sucked in to this kind of situation. Why doesn’t the heart understand that falling in love is reserved for the right one, the soul mate, the ying to your yang not the wrong one, the” I am wasting my time” or the “used to be different” type of person. Definitely not the low down person you happen to be unlucky enough to meet on that unlucky day. There have been countless times when I have been chatting with a friend only to find out that they have fallen in love with the wrong person. They don’t always realize it. Sometimes they even seem to believe they are in love with the one, but always in the end whether it takes 2 weeks 2 years or 20 years they realize it. I often think about what it is we are doing wrong and how we can avoid this and here are my conclusions. #1 Watch out for red flags, just like stop signs they will still be there tomorrow. #2 Listen to what they say and actually hear it, you might just learn something of value that will shine some light on their personality. #3 Think with your head not your heart. You heard me! #4 Don’t beat a dead horse when you see patterns that you know are destructive accept it and move on. #5 Be honest with yourself, if everyone around you can see the problems maybe you just need to open your eyes and see it to. #6 Respect yourself, if that person is not at your level nothing will change that. #7 Realize that love should not be the deciding factor in a relationship. Because you can love a serial killer but that doesn’t mean you should be with him. So what can we do when love sneaks into our hearts like a snake in the grass causing us to fall in love with the wrong person. How about recognizing it, accepting it, learning from it and moving on. Get out and stay out. That’s right love hurts especially after a breakup, but it doesn’t have to hurt forever.


 Drifa Ulfarsdottir The Dating, Divorce and Destiny Coach

Helping you find the love you deserve today, tomorrow and for the rest of your life.

Misunderstandings in relationships.

Misunderstandings in relationships happen all the time. They show up when you least expect them . Often when things are going really well, or so you think. I think that the misunderstandings happen most often when you are in a relationships that is important to you. The more important the relationship the harder it is to sort out  the conflicts that are the root of the  misunderstanding. That’s not to say that casual relationships or friendships cannot have misunderstandings that can get heated. They definitely can. What is the root of these misunderstandings? Why do they come up. Why do they sometimes seem to grow bigger and bigger until they have a life of their own? I think it is because we are not listening carefully and other person does not hear what we are trying to tell them either. We think that when we talk, others are automatically listening. I mean, why not, everything we say is so interesting the whole world should listen, right? Wel,l even if they are listening, they may not hear what you think you said. That’s right, sometimes when we think we are being  clear we are not. The person listening to us hears what we are saying  through a filter. Their filter, not yours, so they wont necessarily hear what you said and form the exact opinion that you were hoping for. The closer the relationship the deeper the feelings of everyone involved. Feelings come from our thoughts so when we are confused, feel misunderstood or unheard our  feelings will be negative.  The more negative feelings we have, the less  likely we are to listen to what the other person is saying….Get my point?

So what can we do? Keep it cool, slow down, don’t let your feelings get in the way. But better yet just listen to others when they are talking to you. Repeat what they have said to you to make sure you have heard them correctly. When you are talking don’t assume people hears what you said. Remember, there is no universal truth, only your personal truth. Everyone has their own perception. So next time you have a misunderstanding in a relationship, instead of blaming, being angry or irritated step back and listen.

Drifa Ulfarsdottir The Dating Coach

Great Relationships

Relationships are very precious to us all. They are a necessary skill that we have to master in order to have fulfilling lives. We have relationships with everyone, our spouse, children, friends and the clerk at the grocery store. In each and every relationship we have a distinct way of communicating, that determines how successful the relationship is. When we have good rapport with someone, conversation really flows, and  we have a better relationship than if the conversation is filled with negative emotion, insecurity or accusations. The conversation does not even have to be obviously negative to bring down a relationship. All it needs is for it to not be supportive. Powerful communication is the key to great relationships. I recently heard about a great book called Fierce Conversations, by Susan Scott. I think it´s a must buy because we can all improve our conversation skills. So then, how do we do that? We can begin with acknowledging each other. When we think about our past successes and past failures and reflect on what it is that differentiated the two, I think a lot of us would agree that the amount of acknowledgement we gave each other had a direct impact on the success of the relationship. If that is so, why don’t we acknowledge each other all the time? I mean, we all want to have powerful and successful relationships don’t we? Well, I think it has a lot to do with us not realizing what the other person needs in order to feel good. If we feel good when we are acknowledged,  why wouldn’t others feel good as well? So, if this is the case, what steps do we need to take now to begin making changes in our lives? The best way to improve your relationships is to acknowledge the person you are in the relationship with regularly. But how do you do that? You go to someone and say I want to acknowledge you for….. and then point out what it is that they have done that is impactful, meaningful or important. It doesn’t have to have anything to do with you, because it’s not about you. It is only about them and their accomplishments. Think about it. Look at your relationships with others. When was the last time you pointed out something nice about them? Acknowledged their sense of style, generosity or determination. How did it make you feel when you acknowledged them? How did they feel? Was it worth it and if so was why? Would you like to do it more often? I would like to challenge you to acknowledge everyone in your family this week and notice what kinds of feelings come up for you. Notice what you get out of it, and if it is something you think would improve your life if you did it regularly. There is one more thing I would like to challenge you to do. Look at your significant other and think of ways to acknowledge them. Do it today and tomorrow. In fact do it every day. Think about the karma you will be creating, the wonderful feelings and the communication that will open up from this little gesture that says so much. Try it and comment on this blog. Lets see if we can change our world just a little bit and you might just improve your relationships along the way.


Drifa the Dating Coach