When a relationship goes bad

Sometimes when we are in relationships we look only at what the other person is doing to irritate us. Are they unfair or unloving? What is unloving? How are they being unfair, and to whom are they being unfair. How did it begin? Was it always this way, or has something changed? This is the tenth time this month your partner tells you he is working late. It wouldn’t bug you so much but you know full well that it’s his choice whether or not he comes home on time or not. You are infuriated.

Your wife has racked up the credit card again. You asked her not to do it but she did it anyway. You have been fighting nonstop for over an hour and its getting you nowhere. You know you will need to pay it off again in a few months and you are infuriated.

You feel they are being unfair to you and you may feel it is your job to remind them of how miserable they are making you

Their behaviour is ruining your relationship; if they would only change it things would be different. It’s entirely their  fault! Ask yourself, is it really?

Was your life always like this? Probably not, things rarely start out bad but when negative relationship patterns emerge things tend to change.

When the relationship began you may have had a totally different perception on your relationship.  Usually when we begin the relationship everything is great. We respect each other, want to do things for each other, speak fondly about each other and think of ways to please each other.

When was the last time you did something absolutely unexpected for your partner? If it was recently was it something you wanted to do for them or something they actually would have wanted? Their is a key difference in the two, one is done for you the other for your partner.

If your relationship has gone from bad to worse try to think about what your role is. What are the motives behind what you say to your partner and is that showing through?

Drifa Ulfarsdottir CPC

Relationship Coach


Copyright © Drifa Ulfarsdottir 2009

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